I DON'T WANT THIS!!!!!

Have you ever been in love with someone, I mean soooo in love with them that in "your" mind they can never do any wrong? Or if they did do wrong, the expectations and belief you have in them you easily forgive them?
I have been in this situation many many times, I mean "many" but sadly it was with the same person. After love.hell and never makin it right, I had to completely let him go. Now, I am writing a book but I can give you a glimpse of how this relationship went.. after numerous times he cheated on me, having a baby on me, proposing to me twice just to keep me "around" while he did him, and then it eventually turned bad.... Michael Jackson "BAD".. I had to let him go! Some of my friends and family that are use to us breakin up and then makin up don't really believe me when I say "I am done! I am not goin back!" But I spoke to him today and after all the numerous text messages and phone calls and voicemail messages of "I'm sorry!" "I miss you!" "You were the best thing that ever happened to me!" "I love you, and I don't want anyone else!"... I came into realization after he told me, he lost his home, has no phone, doesn't have regular income coming in... when in the past I accepted that and helped him on his business side, that no I DONT WANT THIS!

It comes a point in your life where you must take off the rosy colored glasses and accept people for who they are and not what you "hope" them to be. I saw more greatness in him, than I believe he saw in himself and I think thats when it got bad. But on the other hand I was lovin who I was lovin. I argued with other women, because he downplayed alot of the situations between him and "them". But at the time I thought I was in the "right" because I was his "queen".
Yeah I do miss .. I guess the familarity of the relationship. Waking up next to someone that has tea and breakfast made every morning, my son was fully clothed and ready for school, the long conversations til 5 in the morning on life, our life and of course God. Yeah I miss the long walks in the park, the long drives to new places we both never been before, writing music together..... Once the glasses came off, I realized the tea and breakfast he also did for his "jump offs" it was his "thing".It reminded me of that episode on Sex and the City, the man that does these sweet things for EVERY women. These long conversations were the same conversations his female and male friends and even total strangers told me he told them the same thing. And the long walks in the park, whether I am there or not he was always walking..... So in actuality I didn't have anything special...
I never really talk about my personal life like that, but I believe as I am healing and moving forward, I believe someone is going through the same situation out there and maybe my story can help them get out before its to late.
I want the best for him, I really do! But why is it that when you love someone they don't love you until you are done and moved on? I deserve the best... its just sad it took me 5 years to realize that I didn't have the best!! I DONT WANT THIS!!

--Queen YoNasDa